Carla: Oh yeah I have a dog full fed I have had him for eleven years.
Question: What was your life like before ThroughConversation?
Carla: I mean really I could go back a long time, I think I’ll go back a couple years because that’s when things really started to change, that’s when I realized, that’s when I first realized my sister was missing. It was I think about two months I hadn’t had any contact with her which is a long time, like we were extremely close, we did a lot of things together, we grew up together, and we traveled together. You know I had a job that I wasn’t happy and I had a another part time job that I had and I was starting a business and I think it just became too much. It was, I started getting panic attacks and it was one in a store and it was very visual, there was a lot of people around, it was very visual, it was extremely emotional afterwards and it just kept spiraling and then they just kept happening and I’d get one a week later and a few days later and then it was every day. It was every day and then it became to the point where I couldn’t leave the house, I mean I could but it was just quick trips out, do what I have to do, I wasn’t going to the grocery store anymore where I had my first panic attack I would not go near there. I get to work, barely get to work, I don’t even know how I got to work because even though it wasn’t constant panic attacks, it was a state of panic twenty four seven and I went to the doctor, talked to him about it and of course he gave me medication first thing medication. Didn’t try anything else, I said you know ‘can you refer me to someone to go talk to somebody,’ he’s like ‘no I can’t do that but you know here’s a medication.’ So I took the medication which then turned me into a zombie I wasn’t feeling anything, which at first I thought ‘oh this is great everything’s gone,’ but I had no feelings. I had no feelings for anything you know I didn’t I didn’t feel happy, I didn’t feel sad I felt nothing. So then I decided well let’s bring back, let’s get off the medication and at least feel something and get this figured out. Before I had a panic attack I started exhibiting. OCD and that was about eight years ago, about eight years ago and it started out quite minor. I didn’t even notice I was doing it at first, the first couple years it was quite minor and then it got to the point where it was taking me half an hour to leave my house. Well I would leave it but I would come back three or four times and sometimes I would be at work and I would drive all the way home because I always thought, I was convinced that there would be a fire or it was just convinced that I would burn down something I left on, so I’d have to go back and check. Did I leave my straightening iron on, or whatever the case is, you know it got to the point where I was unplugging appliances because I was convinced that they would start a fire. So leaving the house could be, it could be a half hour process, I could be three blocks, four blocks down the road and I would convince myself, I’ve left something on. Never once had I left anything on but it’s just that controlling thoughts that will send you back, you know it’s almost like you have no control, you are going back. Once you think about it you are going back to check.
Question: And how is your life now?
Clara: Now when I leave the house I do check, you know I just do a quick check around the house and I walk out the door and I keep on going. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve gone back not just once twice three four times, but I don’t even go back once to check on anything. Once I lock that door I just keep going and you know sitting at work thinking about the things that could be on fire, I don’t think about that anymore, I do not think about that all throughout the day, it doesn’t pop into my head at all. So you know that takes a lot off your plate when you’re not having you know when you’re not thinking about that kind of stuff and you’re life isn’t driven to always thinking about that kind of stuff. So yeah some really good things have come out of it for me, for sure.
Question: So did this program give you what you wanted?
Clara: Yes it did and then I think when I first started out I thought I would just be happy if I could get half of what I have back. If I could just exist half of the way I was before I would have been happy with that because, that’s fifty percent more than what was happening but I didn’t get fifty percent I got a hundred percent of it back. I can go out and I can do anything, I can go out, nothing is fear based for me anymore. I don’t even think about it before I do it, you know before it would be a thirty minute conversation in my head about why this is going to be horrible and now it’s you know it’s either I don’t think about it like that in that sense or I put a positive spin on it and it’s like wow you know what this is going to be easier, this is going to be fun and guess what it always is. It always ends out turning out that way, so for me what I got out of it was one I got my life back, two I’m able to go out and make choices for myself and I can go make my life now, instead of my life, instead of my mind and my fears dictating how my life is going to be. So that’s what everybody’s looking for, peacefulness, happiness, being able to make those choices, have the ability to make those choices and that’s what I got out of it, I never had that ability before.
Question: Whys did you choose ThroughConversation?
Clara: I chose ThroughConversation, I had spent two years looking for a solution, looking to make my life better, and it was you know suffering for two years and I had tried the internet. I went through programs on the internet, I spent money for programs on the internet, you know I been to two psycho therapists and different approaches from each of them and neither of them worked. Neither of them worked, in fact the second one I think coming out of it things started getting worse. I just I had no other resources to go to, I couldn’t, you know I was on the internet all the time looking for something, looking for something that was going to work. That you know would make sense and would actually work, say what they’re going to do, so I had no more resources, I had exhausted all my resources and then I came across this and I thought this is my last ditch effort. You know I have to try this because the alternative is not a solution, so that’s how that’s how I ended up here.
Question: What impressed you the most about this program?
Clara: How quickly it works, without even really knowing how it works, like I’m one of those people that I always need to know how everything works and I think I was, you know I think I gave Jean-Paul a bit of a hard time a couple of time because I always want to know how things work. ‘Oh how does that work,’ but you don’t really need to know how it works, it just works, just listen to him, listen to what he’s saying, follow the program, do what he says and it just, it works I don’t, I can’t explain how it works but it just works.
Question: How was your experience working with Jean –Paul?
Clara: The whole experience was very unconventional. It was a lot of fun you know I’m almost sad that it’s coming to an end, I’m like ‘oh what am I going to do, I’m not going to have my sessions with the Jean-Paul anymore.’ I look forward to them, the first week maybe not so much, I was a bit nervous the first week but after I was like ‘I wonder where my next session is going to be,’ because they are you come in here and you have fun and the conversations are like, I said they’re easy and it’s not dredging up all this horrible stuff that when you leave here is just sitting heavy on you. It’s just you walk out of here and you’re light on your feet and your just back out into the world where almost like no worry, no worry going out there. So to me it was just, the whole thing was such a great experience, I can’t say enough about it was just a wonderful experience, nothing bad to say about it, it was all good, all good and you know the shifts in my life you know say it all. That’s really what it’s all about, is what you get out of it, so very pleased with what I got out of it.